I have this empty, permanent-feeling ache inside, like a whole element is missing from the oxygen I breathe. But I'm surprised to find that it's a liveable ache. I can live through it--and not break. I can still do the daily things my children need from me. I still get the laundry done, dishes washed again, floors mopped, and food on the table. I just do it all with only part of me. But, somehow God has made that enough.
My favorite blogger wrote the most encouraging thing just for me (though she probably didn't realize it was just for me). She posted a quote from Charles Spurgeon:
" . . . there is nothing you can want, there is nothing you can ask for,
there is nothing you can need in time or in eternity,
there is nothing living, nothing dying,
there is nothing in this world, nothing in the next world,
there is nothing now, nothing at the resurrection-morning,
nothing in heaven
which is not contained in this text --
"I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."I know I am not alone in this, no matter what the feeling of the moment is like. And, I know that I will find my way with my children in my temporary skin as a single mom. God is good, no matter what.
And, so our count continues, but much more silently. I think we're all afraid to say out loud how many days it really is--can it be that long??
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