Summertime is so great for the wonder of a vegetable garden. I wish you could see me laughing at myself here. Sometimes I think that a vegetable garden is mother nature's way of making fun of us. Well, at least of me.
I love the overall thought of growing my own vegetables. I don't even mind the work that goes into it on most nights. I'm one of those people crazy enough to think that pulling weeds is fun. This usually occurs when I'm in one of those seldom found days where the weeds might be under control. Unfortunately, my kids don't agree with me. So, I used to sneak out at night after dinner, kitchen clean up. I'd leave my lovely husband in the house to take care of the bedtime routine and summer evening fun, and head out to the peace of the garden.
Ah . . . there's what's missing. The garden is now the extra piece of the evening. Now, we all head outside together, and I end up getting kids to bed later than I planned, later than I thought. Which leads to me going to bed later than usual as well. But, interesting how much they enjoy watching me weed! I suppose it's part of the "new" routine--the one where I'm supposed to be mama flexible. Let it roll right off me.
Or something.
Instead I'm finding myself mama selfish. Could I please just have 30 minutes of stolen time outside in the garden without fielding a fight, hoping my 4-year old's eager hands won't pull a real plant, or listening to the whining of the oldest who really wants to go in now? All my selfish desires are going unmet. Funny how that's working. It's sort of like looking around and realizing just how many weeds are there. Where did they all come from? I'm not sure I realized all the moments I had built into my life for "me" time before he left. And now I find myself looking around wondering, where did they all go? I apparently had lots of these kind of weeds in my life--the ones that, while comfotable here, were hiding some good stuff underneath.
Amazingly, I'm finding some unexpected gifts when I remove those weeds; like how easy it really is to incorporate my little kids into the outdoor work--for them it's just fun play time. Or, how to relax with everyone still awake, but happily reading or coloring. It used to be that they all needed to be in bed for me to feel "done" for the day. Now it's more that we all need to find some rest time together so that I can actually rest a little here and there. It's almost like I'm rounding out some of the weaker parts of my motherhood life, pulling the comfort limits to stretch just a little farther.
Don't get me wrong--I can't wait for the moments he's back, and next summer when I can steal 30 minutes again all by myself. But, I have a feeling I'll be seeing those minutes very differently; and the moments provided by said wonderful husband will be so much more a gift.
202 days to go. Remarkably, almost 2 months has passed. But the stretch ahead still feels like forever.
