He left today

Deployment.

I know I'm not the only one.  And let me just say I believe in what you're doing.  I knew the sacrifice and I knew the risk before we ever got to this.

But today you left.  Today starts 250 days without you (give or take, depending on the Navy). 

Watching the elevator doors close was heartbreaking.  But now I keep thinking of what I should have said before you were gone.  What words would have made the impact I needed to make?  Do you know what you've done for me?  Do you know how I feel about you?  Do you trust me to be with our children every day, calm their fears, care for their sickness, and show them your love?

It was impossible to sleep last night.  All I could think was that if this was our last night together, would I be able to stand it?  The simple act of you breathing next to me was something I've taken for granted for almost 13 years.  The rhythm of our life was comfortable, predictable, and while not simple, conquerable.  And I let it become too easy.

What a wonder God has given me in our marriage.  How amazing is His grace in our love.  I am grateful--for every moment I've had, every tear spent in frustration, every act of selflessness you've shown me, and every time I've had to say "I love you."  I wish I had said it more.  But I am even more grateful for all the unspoken, beautiful words communicated in our every day.

I pray tonight for your safety, a quick adjustment back to military life. I pray for our children to adjust to an absent but involved daddy.  And I pray for the grace to honor God during your time away in the way I handle our life, our children.  I love you . . .